Today has been a complete lazy day for me. I haven't had a day like this in a while, where I haven't needed to worry about anything. Already thinking about what all I have to do is stressing me out. Don't you hate knowing there's never really time to yourself anymore? What I'd give to be back in kindergarten and not have to worry for awhile!!
Anyway, last night I purchased Glee's cover of "Perfect" (originally sung by Pink) and I've been listening to it nonstop. I began to think more and more about the meaning of the lyrics each time I listened to it, and it really jump-started my brain. So many people have tried to tear me down over the years of growing up. Even now, there are people that judge me based on my outer appearance and on the choices I choose to make for myself. You don't have to tell me that I wear the same sweatpants all the time, and God forbid I wear the same T-shirt four or five times over the course of a month. No, it does not mean I'm running short on clothes. I've actually donated 4 trash bags full because there was not enough room in my closet for them, and I need to go through them AGAIN because there's still not enough room!! Now, I never said my clothes were top fashion (because I don't have the time and money for that), but they keep me covered, and they keep me warm. Isn't that what matters? I know I wear the same shoes every single day. You know why? I only need one pair!! Sure, there are some girls out there that have an entire collection of shoes, but why? Isn't it good enough that you have at least one pair covering your feet? 'Cause come on, shoes are expensive, and if you outgrow them or lose a foot size or two (and yes, it is possible), then you're just shit out of luck. So I get around with what I own. Makeup? Chyeah, don't need much of that either. I like to wear eye makeup to bring out my eyes because I love eye color. But I don't do that foundation/base, powder, blush stuff. My pores already suffer enough without that junk covering them up, and it would just make my acne worse. Why torture my skin? Plus, all of those models and celebrities that you see in magazines who look absolutely perfect? Totally fake. They airbrush that shit and make all of these changes to the appearance on the computer so that they appear to be "perfect". I hate society's view of perfect because it is unobtainable. I'd rather be myself!
I also find it funny that people are so flabbergasted when I tell them I'm a virgin or a pescatarian. They seem to make it this big deal that isn't even affecting them. Why are you worrying about my sex life and about my diet? How is that affecting who you are and what you do? If I go out and eat a shit ton of meat and have sex with every guy on the street, will that make you happier? Knowing I'm a whore? Of course it will, because that's what you are. And you're jealous that I'm not, because you gave in. It would make you feel better if you had a friend like that too, because you wouldn't feel so alone. Well guess what? It's a lonely world. You know how hard it is for a virgin to meet another virgin this day in age? Pretty dang hard!! So don't be complaining to me about my choices. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, and I don't appreciate the heat I'm getting because of how I live. I'm just showing you who I am.
I guess what I'm getting at is that the more people who get mad at me for being me, the more encouraged I am to keep up whatever it is that I'm doing. Obviously if it's bothering this many people, then I'm doing something right. I'm making myself desirable among many. I'm causing jealousy to tear through people. And I'm showing them that I have patience, something that no one has anymore. In a way, I'm a valuable species. There aren't many of us left. Me and the small amount of others like me are the only ones who know how to take it slow and wait it out, and we're the only ones who know how to say no and to tell you how it is. We're the only ones who can call you out on what you're doing, and have no dirt for you to use against us. Face it, you're jealous. You're jealous that I can be who I am and not conform to society's expectations and temptations. You're jealous that I'm happy with who I am and what I want, and that nothing can tear me down anymore. You wish you could have said no. You wish you could be proud of what you see in the mirror. You wish you could go out in public without having to slather a bunch of gunk all over your face to make society appreciate you. And you wish you could listen to Pink's song, "Perfect", and feel so sure of yourself while you're listening to it.
This is such a short life to live. I don't want to live mine unhappy and trying to please everyone all the time. If we all realized that we are all trying to impress each other while wishing we could just be who we are without the judgment, then shit, just stop worrying!! No one likes trying to make themselves look attractive and perfect and a size zero and no acne and with perfect hair and expensive clothing, and we need to get a grasp on the reality of life. It's never perfect. I think that if everyone could just let that vision of society's "perfect" go and just be Pink's version of "Perfect", this world could be a whole lot happier. I'm not saying don't shower and dress in 3 day old clothing or anything, because then you are getting kinda gross, my friend. But just stop trying to obtain the unobtainable. There's a difference between trying to impress others, and trying to look healthy for your body's own benefit. Stop sending yourself through the wringer every day and be okay with yourself. I've been working at it for 19 years and haven't failed yet. Sure, some people may get all uptight and upset about your choices, but it's your life, not theirs. They'll get over it eventually. And if they don't, well, it's their problem. They wanna be shallow? Fine. But I like being deep within myself and within other people, because that's where the true beauty lies. You'd be surprised with just how much internal beauty changes the outer appearance of a person. Be Pink's "Perfect" for once. You may be surprised with how empowering it feels.
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