Back then, that shit was romantic.

You know, most of the time it's pretty odd to tell people that I've been single my entire life. Not many new adults can raise their hands and say that they haven't had a boyfriend for almost twenty years. I mean, come on, I know freshmen girls in high school who have dated more than me. So when any kind of girls anywhere near my age range find out that I've never dated, the expression that they give me is priceless. Some of them even go as far as saying that they'll set me up with someone, and that they'll find me the right guy. Back when I was a sophomore, I wouldn't have minded this, but now I just say, "Eh, that's alright. I'll find me a fella on my own." Why? Because no one is going to know who is compatible for me except me.

Yeah, I know what a lot of you single guys are thinking. "I'll date you!" Thanks, but no thanks. Dating, for me, is not volunteer work. To me, a relationship is based so much more on that. There's a good reason why I haven't dated yet, and it's solely for the reason that guys are assholes who want sex or who just want someone to show off. Everyone wants to take things fast and rush into everything blindly, and I honestly cannot stand that! Haha. A lot of the guys who say they wouldn't mind dating me haven't met me in person, and to be honest, when my kids ask me how I met my husband in the future, I don't want to say, "Oh, he friend requested me on Facebook." I don't know about you guys, but there's something wrong with that picture. When my grandma met my grandpa, he literally picked her up on the street. You see, my grandma was a gorgeous woman back in her prime, and my grandpa and his friend both had this huge crush on her. So they had arranged to go to a picnic up at the church. My grandpa said he would pick my grandma up first, and then his friend, so he went and got my grandma. Then he drove right past his friend's house, and when my grandma pointed out that he did this, he said, "No I didn't." That was when he had her drawn in, and the rest was history. Now, you may be thinking, Your grandpa kidnapped your grandma? No. Back in her time, there weren't as many screwed up, sick people as there are in our generation. Back then, that shit was romantic. It was the survival of the fittest; the go-for-what-you-want-no-matter-what-the-cost method. Back then, men had balls to chase after what they wanted. Try finding a man in our society today who is willing to work hard just to get his woman for who she is and not for her hoo-ha. It's a difficult thing to do.

I've had plenty of internet creepers. They have this certain way of trying to get to my romantic side in a very pestering manner. First they add me on Facebook. I'm always cautious about this kind of thing, because although I love meeting new people and making friends, there's always that is he a creeper? thought in the back of my mind. 50% of the time, this is the case. Some of them like to pop up on chat right away and be all, "Hey, I think you're pretty". Some of them wait awhile and then casually go, "Hey. Whats up?" followed by a bombardment of compliments and <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Okay, dude, chill out. What's even worse is that if I say I'm not interested, it translates to them as "TRY HARDER!!!" So, more compliments. More hearts. They start complimenting my pictures. And in the mean time, I'm sitting here growing more uncomfortable by the second. Okay, let's get something straight here. I just met you. We just started talking. You're already like <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 omg marry me <3 <3 <3 <3 Um, no. This is just too much to handle in one sitting. Not that I hate compliments or anything. I like hearing them every now and then. But there's a difference between friendly complimenting, and "I wanna hurry up and be with you" complimenting. Not only that, but I just don't think that establishing a relationship through a computer is healthy. If the person lives far from me, I can't just go over to wherever they are and hang out with them or do some concrete bonding. I think that physical interaction is important in a relationship because emotion is something that is important to me. I don't want to talk to some guy for a year on a computer, think he's this super amazing guy, meet him, and find out that he's completely different than what I expected him to be. I'm not saying that I'm against other people doing it. It's your life, not mine. But it just won't work for me.

Of course, when I do start crushing on a guy, it's so hard for me to deal with. One of the main reasons why is that because once I start liking that person, every small action that they do translates to me as, "I'm secretly in love with you." Every glance. Every smile. Every hug. Even a friendly "I love you". It sucks big time. Not only that, but I love to be friends with guys so that if I do become interested, I know what I'm getting into and not walking into the relationship blindly. That hasn't been a good method lately because once I get in that friend zone, whichever guy I like is scared that if we go beyond that, they'll end up losing me somehow. And don't get me wrong, ladies and gents, I'm glad that I'm one of those people that you just don't want to lose. It makes me feel special, like I'm doing something right. But being stuck in that friend zone and having to deal with not being with the one I'm crushing on (or maybe even falling in love with depending on how long it's been going on) kills me. It kills me because my heart gets just a little bit closer to that "I'll never find anyone" feeling. I guess that's why I do my best not to mind being single. I don't want to hurt, and I don't want to allow a man to have complete control over my sanity. Some days it's great, and I just love the single life. But then on other days, it just sucks. I'll get into those moods where I'm crying, depressed, angry, and wishing that I had someone to just hold me and let me cry without saying anything. I want the guy that, without words, has that feeling of deep love and devotion for me radiating from him. I want to be able to feel that, and to know that it's okay, and that no matter what, he's going to be there for me.

What ever happened to real love, anyway? It's always about the sex now. Guy and girl date. They have sex countless times. They break up. They find new people. They do the same thing. Repeat. I don't understand how anyone can stand it! And then there are the people who just like to stand there and make out right in front of your face for ten to twenty minutes, like they're trying to rub it in that they aren't single. I get it. You guys are so in love that you just can't stop kissing the crap out of each other. Great. Now get a room. I mean, honestly, I think the whole hand holding, smiling at each other, shy laughing, and peck on the lips before class thing is the sweetest show-off method in the world. You aren't being nasty slobbery, you aren't looking like you want to screw each other with your lustrous eyes, and at least by keeping it simple, it's showing everyone else a little class. Plus, I think you can really tell how much two people love each other when they keep it simple and don't make such a big deal out of the physical stuff! Does personality not count anymore?

A lot of the guys that I've really crushed on were not being crushed on for their appearances. I've gotten to know some pretty decent, friendly guys, and when you're around that enough, it starts to leave a good impression. When you get that good impression, it makes you think about being in a relationship with them. When you think about that often enough, their appearance changes. For example, I used to have a crush on this guy who went to my high school, and he was pretty thick-boned and tall. He had a great smile, but he wasn't magazine cover material. The more I talked to him, the more I admired him. He made me laugh. He was sweet. He tried to make small talk with me whenever it was silent. One morning I had a low blood sugar and didn't come to the class we shared, and later that day, he spotted me at my lunch table. So he walked over with his tray and asked why I wasn't at school. When I told him what had happened, this genuine look of concern flashed across his face, and I guess being an empath at the time without really knowing it, I felt this huge wave of emotion come over me, and suddenly everything completely changed. He wasn't just the guy from class. He was this amazing, beautiful, caring, hilarious guy who I wanted to be with. I crushed on him for quite awhile, and it was all in good taste. Of course, we never did get together. But I'm saying that it takes more than internet and physical appearance to get at the heart of things. You have to know them in person, and be able to spend time with them and learn about them. Otherwise, there just isn't anything there.

I think that my being single for this long is a good thing. I'm not willing to get into something that I know I don't want, or something that I don't know much about. Being friends with guys gives me an idea of who they are as people, what they believe in, how they handle sadness and anger, how great they listen and pay attention, how concerned they are towards people they care about... and it's great to know that ahead of time. I need to have someone who isn't going to lash out at me when he gets angry, and I need someone who is going to love me and support me. I need someone who knows who I am, and who loves me for that; someone who isn't turned off by being with someone who has no dating experience, and who doesn't want to be with me just to try pressuring me into letting him get in my pants (which, I can assure you fellas, is NEVER going to happen anytime before that wedding ring is on my finger). One of my old guy friends told me that before you get married, it's good to have sex with your significant other to see if the love is really there, because the sex can change everything. Bullshit. Pure and utter bullshit. If you care about that person, the physical stuff isn't going to matter. It's finding that one person who can make the world right even when everything is going wrong. Not a case of "if the shoe fits, wear it". We're talking much more than a body part. We're talking about everything we're composed of finally being accepted completely by somebody else. If you're too blind to see that, I can assure you that I am not the girl for you.

Why am I writing this blog? Because I want everyone to take a step back from their urges to think about what love is supposed to be. It's not flirting on the internet, or bombarding someone with compliments in hopes that they'll like you more. It's not because they're so stunning and beautiful that they must automatically be perfect. It's supposed to be loving that person unconditionally for everything that they are, even the ugly stuff. If we keep putting conditions on love, we'll never reach that point of happiness.Girls will continue to starve themselves. Guys will continue to be dicks who want models even though half of these people are no prince charming (appearance wise). People will keep changing themselves externally and wearing less clothes because they just want someone to notice. This is not what love was intended for, and society is beginning to make it look like a beauty contest.

Do me a favor, guys. Get off of the internet. Stop playing your video games. Put down your damn phones. Nerds, quit doing your math homework for a few minutes. Once you've accomplished that task, I want you to go out there and find that one girl that you've been drooling over for the past month or year, or maybe two years. Then, do the most difficult thing that any man ever has to do. Go after her. Be persistent. Show her you aren't an ass, and that you care, and tell her how much you admire her and her personality. Tell her you want to know her more, and ask her to hang out. Don't do it for her looks, or how many articles of clothing she isn't wearing. Do it because you love her for all of her, both internally and externally. Maybe if you actually do something out of impulse for once in your life instead of flirting with all of your fancy electronics, things might turn out for you. Your first few impressions in person are going to be more effective than saying some flirtatious lines over the internet.

Do me a favor, ladies. Stop being so shallow. Don't keep waiting for some handsome, perfect man to sweep you off your feet. Appearance isn't everything. There are some pretty great guys out there who get treated like crap because they're too nice for their fellows of the same sex. Enjoy the compliments they give you, because guys don't compliment that often (well, if they aren't on the internet, that is). If they want to spend time with you, let them! You don't have to date them if you don't want to, but setting up a friendship is a good thing to do! And who knows? You may fall for them eventually. You'll never know if you keep ignoring them and treating them like they don't exist. And hey, if they aren't your type, then fine. Just stop looking over the kind, thoughtful men like they aren't even there. Yes, some guys can be more attractive than others, but that doesn't mean that they're going to treat you nicely. Get to know your fellas. You may be surprised how much you learn from them.


I really am okay with being single. I haven't minded it for nearly twenty years, and although some days I wish I could have a guy to spend my lonely time with, I know that I'm just waiting for something real to come along. Maybe it will never come, for all I know. But I'm okay with that, because it doesn't mean the end of the world. It simply means that I don't need a man to make me happy. I'm happy enough being me, and that's really all that matters.


Guys, some tips for you:
-Don't tell a girl she's wrong. You're starting an ugly competition.
-Listen to her complain about the things you don't care about. I know that running out of the last pair of shoes in her size might not seem very tragic, but it is to her.
-Don't text her if you can call her. You're giving her your undivided attention, and that shows how much you care.
-If you do like a particular way she's styled her hair, or a different way that she's done her makeup, tell her. It'll make her smile.
-If she gets mad at you, give her some time to cool down. We get caught in the heat of the moment, but we do think more about it later on and often end up feeling guilty. If she still shows signs of anger, just apologize. No big deal.


Girls, some tips for you:
-If he tells you he needs some alone time, he really does. So just let him be.
-Listen to him talk about his video games. Even if you have no idea how to play, or have no idea what exactly it is that he's explaining to you, that's okay. They just like to have someone to talk to about it.
-If he's feeling down, ask him if he would like a hug. Not all guys do, and there's no point in making them uncomfortable. I've found that most guys do like being asked if they would like one or not.
-Smile around them. Guys like seeing us happy.
-Laugh at their jokes, even if they aren't that funny. It makes them feel good about themselves :P
-Don't over-text if they aren't responding much. Guys usually don't like texting, and if they don't reply, there's a reason for it. It doesn't mean you should send them 5 more texts. That just annoys them.
-Don't keep pushing him away if he's trying to get you to forgive him. You know you aren't that mad at him, and if you keep acting like you are, he's going to stop trying. Guys usually don't like saying sorry because it means they're wrong, so when they do say sorry, it's a big deal.


Alright. So that concludes today's blog. I think you all get the picture here. No need to go into the obvious details.

Have a grand Friday (: