I was looking on my old Formspring account and found a
number of questions that I really wanted to go back and re-answer. Some of them
are the same answers, but typed out in a more thoughtful manner, and a lot of
them are questions that I have changed the answer to over the past four years.
Hope you enjoy them! If you would like to comment on anything I said on here or
if you have more questions you’d like answers to, you can leave them in the
comment box at the end of this post.
If you had to pick
a single moment in your life which affected you most profoundly, what would it
be?
-I think that this question is
going to have a different answer every few years I go back to it, which is why
I’d like to answer it again. My last answer was the time I was bitten by a Pit
Bull and spent two weeks in the hospital because it “changed me” as a person.
It did, in fact, change me, but it changed me in a way that caused me to be
fearful. Since then, I have really become the opposite. The single moment that
affected me most profoundly would now have to be the moment I found out I was an empath.
Because I figured out where my emotional problem was coming from, I was able to
get some control over it, and now I am a pretty stable person. I have learned
how to handle my abilities and how to make myself feel better, and because I
have a renewed confidence in myself, I have become a much happier, successful
person.
Do you have a DeviantArt
page?
-Yes I do, but it just has the same stuff on there that I
post on Facebook, so adding me on there would be redundant. If you don’t have
me on Facebook but would like to see my pictures, my DeviantArt page is
stephropabst.deviantart.com
16, never been
kissed nor have had a boyfriend? There must be something wrong. There are some
gross fat chicks that are total bitches, and they get boyfriends? Have guys
lost their way..?
-The only thing that has changed about the above is that
I’m 20 now. Haha. But I will tell you this. Yes, there are “bitches” who treat
their boyfriends like crap. Yes, some of them might be overweight. But there
are a lot of girls out there who think they’re hot, skinny, sexy shit, and
because of that, they let looks control the way they feel about a person, not
to mention the size of their egos. But just because a guy decides to date an
overweight person does not mean that I deserve a guy any more than that girl or any
other girl on this planet. I’ve been patient with myself and have decided to
figure out who I am instead of depending on someone else to shower me with
affection. If I can’t love myself, then I don’t see how anyone else can. Not
only that, but if the attraction isn’t there, then I am not going to date
someone who I don’t have feelings for. That would make me a bitch, and I don’t
believe in false hope or in using people. Also, guys are just as human as girls
are. They’re going to make dating mistakes just like us. When I find someone
who I really like and who really likes me back, things will be different. I’m
willing to wait for that.
What do you like
about winter?
-When I answered this question before, I mentioned the
hustle and bustle, fresh cookies, snow days, and I don’t remember what else.
But I never mentioned actually being outside at night when it’s frigid. Most
people would probably find this odd, but I love going outside on cold nights
because the sky is usually clear, so there’ a great view of the stars. It’s
also extremely quiet, so when I feel like there’s too much noise, it’s a place
I can escape to for a little bit. Then there’s the feeling of nothing: being
numb. I love when I can’t feel my skin, because when I close my eyes, I don’t
feel like a person who is sitting out in the cold and freezing. I feel like I’m
in another world where I can escape being and feeling human. I am a free soul
wandering about in a place of nothingness and feeling at peace. No pain. No
runny nose. No emotional feelings or bothersome thoughts. It’s just the state of being.
Are you a social
person?
-I never used to be social. Sure, every now and then I’d
find people to talk to. But for the most part, I was really closed off and
actually pretty fearful about talking to strangers. But that part of me has
really changed since then. I’ve come to love and understand people, and I take every opportune moment I have to make a new friend (if
it can happen without me being creepy). I think I was scared about it before
because I was bullied emotionally as a kid, and I used to be afraid that more
people would do that if they really got to know me (I had always thought myself
to be weird). But now I realized that no matter who you are, you’re still a
person. You’re as much of a person as I am, and if I’m going to be fearful of
someone who I don’t know and who may not even be a threat, then I might be
missing out on someone pretty spectacular.
Do you prefer
shoes, socks, or bare feet?
-Last time I answered this, I said you rarely see me in
bare feet. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Haha. I love being barefoot and wearing
socks. I usually kick off my shoes the second I walk through the door because
they annoy me. My feet get cold easily, so sometimes I argue with myself about
slipping my shoes off when I know it’s going to cause my toes an instant
freeze, but if I don’t have to wear shoes, I don’t.
What non-banking
related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
-My license!! I kind of need it to drive. Haha.
Do you ever wish
that for one moment you were someone different than who you grew up to be?
-Definitely not. Sure, maybe being in another child’s
shoes might have been easier, but I find it more fulfilling to know that I
survived some pretty rough moments in my past. I made it through bullying, my
dog bite, private school, losing friends, losing my grandma, and many more
struggles. And it makes me realize how many sweet moments I’ve had and how much
I’ve accomplished by just being myself. I like who I am, and I wouldn’t want to
ever change that.
what happens if
the glass is half empty to you but full to me?
-I don’t think the glass half full/ half empty concept is
constant. As humans, our spectrum of emotions is pretty colorful. We’re going
to have days where the glass is half full just as equally as the days where we’ll
see it half empty because our attitude towards life fluctuates all the time.
However, if there is ever a time where I see the glass half empty while you see
it half full, I hope you’re there to help me through my rough patch.
Do you drive?
-Yes yes yes! It feels so good to say yes! Take that, 16
year old self!!
Do you ever miss
people from your grade school?
-I do occasionally. I mean, I know that a lot of the time
I kept to myself and didn’t really reach out to make friends with my
classmates, and I know that I felt as though some of them were really mean to
me and said things about me, but I’ve come to the understanding that it wasn’t
their fault, and it wasn’t mine either. We were kids who didn’t know any
better, and as much as I would love to blame them for the bullying contribution, I
can’t, because I had depression and had no idea that it was an illness at the
time. So I still have moments where I do miss seeing my old classmates, because
although I felt messed up at the time, I think that they did contribute to
helping me believe in myself as a person and making me realize that we’re not
so bad once we grow up a little.
why do you like
thunderstorms so much?
-I wondered about this for a long time and had no direct
answer. But after figuring out I was an empath, I started studying it more and
came up with a conclusion. Thunderstorms recharge us. We have seven chakras,
which are energy points in the body. And since empaths are more aware of this energy,
they feel when they are being worn down or when they are losing that energy.
Like batteries, thunderstorms recharge us because they carry energy of their
own; energy that helps rejuvenate ours. That is also why we can usually feel
the weather change before the rain actually reaches where we are. Plus, thunderstorms
are gorgeous and they keep plants alive, which make oxygen that keeps us alive,
so why not love thunderstorms? (:
what makes you go
in life?
-Knowing that I’ve been through rough patches before, and
knowing that I can overcome them because I am still here. My friends and family
also keep me going. Oh, and books. Books are good.
would you rather
spend your life never knowing how that one person truly felt about you or know
your whole life that they didnt care?
-Last time I answered this, I said never knowing how
someone truly felt. But I feel differently now because I actually went through
both sides of this. And it is much easier to know how someone feels about you
and to find out that they don’t care. Why? Because I don’t need people in my
life who don’t care about me. It’s unhealthy to be in a relationship where you
are just being tolerated or being used, because if there ever comes a day where
you really need that person and you find out that they don’t want to be there
for you, you’re going to fall on your ass and be an emotional wreck. But if you
know that they don’t care, at least you can get that person out of your life
and find someone better; someone who does care. Not to mention, it hurts a lot
less when you know vs. not knowing.
what do you do
when life doesnt go as planned?
-Well, it’s hard to move on when life throws mountains in
the way of where you are trying to get to. And when life does that to me,
sometimes I sit down and think, “Well, this is pointless.” But a lot of the
time, what follows that feeling of defeat is the stubborn ass of a person that
I am telling me that there has to be another way. And I think that there is
always another way to get past an unexpected difficulty. Yes, it may require
some sacrifice and harder work, but I never just sit there and give up. I might
cry a little. But in the end, the words “don’t give up” stay with me, and I get
up and try to find the alternative that will get me out of my funk.
out of all of your
years of HSchool so far what is one thing you have learned?
-After two years of college and coming back to this
question, I think the biggest thing I have learned is to accept change and
change with it. I started off as a scared freshman, and I graduated being a
much stronger, more beautiful person. That wouldn’t have happened to me had I
not accepted change. Everything in life is constantly changing, whether it is
relationships, grades, talents, ambitions, etc. You have to learn to let go and
to embrace who you are and who you can be. The world doesn’t slow down and time
doesn’t stop. Choosing to hold on instead of letting go and refusing to become
instead of becoming is just going to hold you back. Life is hard, but change
can be good if you just decide to make some smarter choices and to keep people
around you who matter and who love you and care about you. I accepted change,
and I couldn’t be more proud of the person who I have become.
hardest thing you
have ever had to do?
-The hardest thing that I have ever had to do would be to
let go. I’ve been through a lot of crap caused by a lot of people, and it was
hard for me to see them as the people they had become vs. the people they used
to be. Although I wanted to hold onto the idea that they were still good
friends, I knew that they weren’t, and it was hurting me. It hurts me whenever
I have to let go of someone and move on, because how could I just let go of
someone who mattered to me so much and who played such an important role in my
life? But, change is inevitably going to happen, and sometimes it causes us to
grow apart from each other. It doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means
they are no longer who we need to be around. It’s hard for me to let go of
friends, but I never forget what they teach me or what they do for me, and that
is where the true root of our relationship lies: forever in my heart.
Last book you read
and hated?
-The last book I read all the way through and hated was
The Glass Castle. It wasn’t a bad book, so I don’t hate it because of that. I
just hate it because it is truly a frustrating book. I wanted to throw it at
the wall each time I turned the page. I have never felt that angry reading before.
Ever been in love?
-They say that if you are crushing on someone for longer
than four months, then you are technically in love. In this regard, yes, I have
been in love twice, even though I have never gone out with said people. But the
second guy I fell in love with was more worthy of my time and devotion than the
first, because although the first guy was the one I fell really hard for, he
didn’t make me feel happy and loved and appreciated like the second did. The
second guy loved me as a friend despite my flaws or shyness. He cared about me
as much as I cared about him, and he was deathly afraid of losing me as a
friend and didn’t (and still doesn’t) want that. And that meant a lot more to
me than what I felt for the first guy. I had two very different “being in love”
experiences, and there is a truth in saying that if you fall in love twice,
choose the second, because if it was love with the first, you wouldn’t have fallen
for the second. I am currently not in love with anyone, and there are to be
more crushes and possibly loves in the future, but for now, I am content and
happy.
Have you ever
loved someone so much it hurt?
-Yes. Yes yes yes. Being an empath probably doesn’t help
much, but hey, not much I can do about that. Lol. People think that it’s bad to
hurt over loving someone. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Yes, with
the first guy I fell in love with, it was a bad thing to hurt from it because I
was hurting myself emotionally over someone who didn’t care that I was even
alive. And being in love should make you happy, not depressed and upset. But
with the second, loving him hurt because I knew how important he was to me and
how important our friendship was. And it was so easy to love him, but it hurt
when I couldn’t help him with some of the struggles he had to face. And it
hurts to see someone you love be in so much pain, and to know that no matter
how much you care about him or her, sometimes there isn’t anything you can do
other than be there. It hurt because I wanted him to be happy. It hurt because
I cared. It hurt because he mattered to me. And I think that hurting in that
aspect is completely different than hurting because someone doesn’t love you
the way you want them to. Loving the second made me selfless and hopeful and
happy to wake up in the morning, and loving him meant being able to hug him and laugh with him and be myself without feeling shameful or feeling like I needed to change who I
was.
What is your
favorite nursery rhyme?
-I don’t really have a favorite currently, but whatever
one I choose in the future, I’m sure it’ll be a pretty messed up one. I like
the really creepy nursery rhymes when I can stumble across them. If you have
any suggestions, that would be great!
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