Some Nights

I just got home from play rehearsal, although, I could have been home around 10:15. But instead of deciding to head out that soon, I decided to hang around and chat with Britney. That "chat" started off just standing in the parking lot, and then it advanced to leaning against her car, and then eventually she said, "Why don't we sit down on the curb if we're going to talk. My feet are killing me." So we sat down and just chatted about girl stuff, like what we thought about guys, who we used to like, who we like now, how guys are confusing, etc. During this conversation, Anthony pulled into the parking lot and decided to sit down and talk to us while he was waiting for Paula. She arrived about five minutes after he did, and we all formed a small circle kind of shape and chatted for awhile. After Anthony and Paula left, Britney walked over and sat in her car while I sat on the ground, and we stalled going home for another fifteen minutes.

I think that tonight, I needed that kind of interaction. I've been feeling so alone lately, although I didn't really notice exactly how alone I was feeling up until now. But sitting here writing all this down is making me realize how good I feel and how relaxed I am. It shouldn't be all that different to tell someone else what you're thinking vs. just keeping it to yourself, because obviously if you think your thoughts are just ramble, then someone else will think the same. But sometimes it just feels good to be listened to. And maybe it feels good to be listened to because you have someone looking at it from a different perspective instead of always looking at it from your own, and that person could say something in response that makes you understand yourself a little better. But even if they don't, it's just the fact that you aren't alone with these thoughts, no matter how unimportant they seem, or whether you understand them or not. There were several times tonight where I ended my statements with, "I don't know," and Britney would say, "Yeah, me either." And it's just that feeling of not knowing together that made it feel so liberating. Because I wasn't alone. Why are we so deathly afraid of being alone?

Britney and I really had a nice bonding night, and I honestly wish people took the time to have more of those moments. We're such a busy society, rushing around, having to get things done, and we often forget to take time to get to know the people around us. We're busy seeing them as our coworkers, classmates, acquaintances, or whatever it is you see them as, and it's a shame when you don't take the opportunity to find out just how wonderful they are. Britney was telling me a story tonight about a conversation she had with her guy friend when she was younger, and somewhere in that story, she said, "You could be missing out on me." For some reason, that just struck a chord. How many wonderful people are we truly missing out on? People who we may see every single day but never take the time to really sit down and talk to? To learn about their hobbies, interests, family life, friends, and to even be included in that "friends" category? How many people am I missing out on because I am simply not taking time to stop and smell the roses? For all I know, the person who I'm hardly talking to could be a perfect fit into my life, and I'm just letting him or her slip right by, unnoticed.

I feel like every encounter is an opportunity, whether it be to make a new friend, to have a love interest, or to simply create a beautiful relationship without even meaning to; a run-in collision that just so happened to work out perfectly. I was watching New Girl earlier today, the episode where Jess goes to Cece's birthday party at the bar while Schmidt makes a big deal about Nick not ever taking the time to think about him, and at the very end of the episode, Jess asks Cece, "Do you think if we met today, we would still be friends?" to which Cece replies, "...I don't know. But we're friends now." And that's really all that matters, when it boils down to it. You just have to jump into things and not question them, and hope that it all turns out okay, and I think that's the beautiful thing about human nature. We're never really sure, but we still take the time to risk it all anyway, and sometimes you just need to quit questioning "I wonder if this person would be good for me" and just find out.

I still have a lot to learn about love and friendship, and I know that bonding doesn't happen overnight. But it can start by just taking a night to not be anywhere but where you are right at that moment, and to feel that moment come alive; to be in it completely instead of thinking about the moments ahead. Take the time to live in the now, because if you're always looking forward, you could be missing out on some pretty great people who are standing right there next to you.